Thursday, June 10, 2010

Goat Boner 5 - The Goatening

The girls in SITC2 may be vain, but this film is veinier. Amid the wild hoopla and heightened expectations for Goat Boner 5, the sense that the film could never live up to its billing began to creep into the public unconscious. The slick marketing campaigns and top billed actors only served to reinforce the inkling that the film's backers were trying to make up for a Goat Boner that was too bloated and sluggish to compete with other summer films. But what this Goat Boner lacks in Jake Gyllenhall's abs it more than makes up for in cunning wit, ribald silliness and big throbbing Goat Boners all over the place.
Goat Boner 5 didn't need all the prime time commercials and feta cheese product placement, because Goat Boner 5 has what other films lack. Of course I'm not referencing the abstract concept of 'heart'. No my friends, I'm talking about that cinematic staple of big slimy, floppy goat boners penetrating the silver screen. Again and again and again this film gives its adoring fans what they so desire, and ripely deserve; Goat Boner.
So do yourself a favor and skip lines snaking around the block to see Marmaduke and fandango yourself a seat for the wildest, craziest, spookiest Goat Boner you've ever seen. But be warned, there's nothing scarier than the silhouette of a Goat Boner in the window...unless there is.

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