Thursday, July 8, 2010

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Goat Boner 5 - The Goatening

The girls in SITC2 may be vain, but this film is veinier. Amid the wild hoopla and heightened expectations for Goat Boner 5, the sense that the film could never live up to its billing began to creep into the public unconscious. The slick marketing campaigns and top billed actors only served to reinforce the inkling that the film's backers were trying to make up for a Goat Boner that was too bloated and sluggish to compete with other summer films. But what this Goat Boner lacks in Jake Gyllenhall's abs it more than makes up for in cunning wit, ribald silliness and big throbbing Goat Boners all over the place.
Goat Boner 5 didn't need all the prime time commercials and feta cheese product placement, because Goat Boner 5 has what other films lack. Of course I'm not referencing the abstract concept of 'heart'. No my friends, I'm talking about that cinematic staple of big slimy, floppy goat boners penetrating the silver screen. Again and again and again this film gives its adoring fans what they so desire, and ripely deserve; Goat Boner.
So do yourself a favor and skip lines snaking around the block to see Marmaduke and fandango yourself a seat for the wildest, craziest, spookiest Goat Boner you've ever seen. But be warned, there's nothing scarier than the silhouette of a Goat Boner in the window...unless there is.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Monday, April 26, 2010

One Small Step for Sunita

Chapter 1

After the candle burned down to a shallow canyon of wick and wax on the window sill, Sunita propped her chin gently on her lover's shoulder. They lie in bed like a still and quiet puddle. "Will we remember what it's like to be young and in love?"
She flatly broke the hush.
He barely moved.
He gazed out across the early evening, slowly setting himself, like the sun. He didn't answer. She breathed out of sync to disturb, reach, pry him away from his sanction. From the horizon.
She failed.
She failed like a blanket toss fails to reach the candle before it extinguishes. She fails to set him on fire.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Monday, March 1, 2010

Goat Boner 3; Back for More

It's gonna be a hot summer; The Goat Boner series is back with a big boner for the box office. All of Hollywood is abuzz for the new Goat Boner installment. The star power has been amped up and the budget is bulging! Sony Boner Entertainment spent a whopping $138 Mil on this 3D masterpeice and is projected to recoup by the end of opening weekend. Its not all about the money though. This film is a melange of heart, tail and of course Goat Boner.

The film picks up almost immediately where we left off in GB2, with the goat in marital bliss with Ben Gobbler, played by Vince Vaughn. The movie plods along with some pretty touching goat on man relationship scenes (including a really sanguine 3D shot of a Goat Boner). Things get interesting when the goat goes out partying and runs into a America's favorite salt and pepper sexbot Alec Baldwin. Baldwin dryly plays Danny Pucker, an English business man only in town for one night. The two lock eyes while stopping behind a dumpster for a late night snack, but it doesn't stop there. When Danny's goat (voiced by Steve Martin) starts calling from their flat in London things really start to boil over. Oh the hijinks!

The Goat Boner series definitely gets turned up a notch in this one. After a long winter of non-Goat Boner films America is ready to laugh, cry and feel disgusted with itself again. So get patriotic and see a movie called Goat Boner 3. You may even learn something about the real America as the goat struggles to honor the timeless institution of man-goat marriage. But Alec Baldwin wan't in the pre-nup and the goat has a boner for that loophole!

----Prolonged exposure to three dimensional Goat Boner will induce vomiting---

Goat Boner 2

This season has been an unprecedented one for progress and discovery in the genre of films about unconventional love. Obviously the spark for this swath of ingenuity was the ground breaking The Blind Side. God bless that movie. Sandra Bullock set out to make a movie but ended up capturing the soul of Mother Theresa when she died her hair blond and adopted a big ol' black dude. Since that moment Hollywood has opened the flood gates and the world has been joyously douched in movies dealing with the complicated nature of being in love while not being a white man and woman.
Irregardless of your opinion of wierdo love, we can all agree that goats are ripe for parody. In this spirit Touchstones Pictures brings us Goat Boner 2. Its the story of a one night stand with a man and a goat that turns into a culture clashing relationship. When Vince Vaughn, playing Ben Gobbler, mistakenly hits on a goat at a barn raising things get steamy before you can say 'bahhhh'. Unlike other movies you may have seen about men loving or staring at goats, this movie doesn't stop when the nut is busted. Not at all!
You will laugh and cry and whatever when you see a man and his goat decide to go steady. Needless to say the 'rents ain't pleased and neither is the farmer!

*This movie is rated GB for excessively long shots of Goat Boner. Only bring your children if you think they are ready*

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Peep the Sexiness

Do you like that?
I bet you do.
There's more where that came from at;

Photos courtesy Betty Tsang. More available from her at

This Be Oliver